MORE Food Network Sucks

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foodnetworksucks's picture

This is the 2nd part in a (hopefully humorous) multi-part dissertation/dissection on how the Food Network is failing its’ viewers.  Many of the private and public comments I’ve received on my first blog seem to attempt to “remind” me of how influential the Food Network was.  But I completely agree with them!  Again, should a restaurant be judged on how their food USED TO BE, or how it was during YOUR LAST VISIT?

But, to kinda/sorta acquiesce to raging demands, I will attempt to focus on CURRENT Food Network stars, or at least the current “versions” of them.  Aaaaaaand, here we go!

Throwdown with Bobby Flay

 

Uh oh.  Yes indeed, I started with Food TV’s current #1 star.  And YES, Bobby Flay is an awesome chef.  I’ve had the pleasure of eating at a few of his restaurants, and I can say the food was worth every penny.  His rise to the top of the Food Network was no accident.  He worked hard, looked good, and brought a level of testosterone to the FN that even Rachael Ray couldn’t bring (zing!).  But have you seen this awful show?

Contestants are basically “Punk’d”.  They’re told Food Network is doing something special for them, cameras follow them around, and then all of a sudden Bobby Flay shows up and hurls a steaming turd in their cereal by telling them he and his staff of 20 have come up with a meal that may or may not be better than the unknowing contestant’s “signature dish”.  So, let’s get the record straight:  Bobby sandbags some budding entrepreneur and gives them the opportunity to make FOOLS of themselves by taking their rinky-dink recipes and putting them up against a master chef’s.  Really classy, dude.

But that’s not the worst part!  According to Wikipedia, his record is something like 6 wins to 20 losses.  So really, the whole thing is just a big sham and Bobby (in order not to piss people off) has to take a dive in order to save the show.  Factor in that even the “judges” are told who to vote for

(not my accusation, check out this former judge’s blog:)

http://negroshire.blogspot.com/2006/08/bobby-flay-vs-kitchen-diva-my-tv-debut.html

and what you have is a “Reality” show with absolutely ZERO “Reality” to it.  Thanks, Bobby!

Duff/Ace of Cakes

 

Ace of Cakes ushered in the era of the Food Network just losing their marbles.  Let’s take a guy who decorates cakes, dresses like a cake decorator, and even makes ridiculous cakes during his show.  The twist?  He has a goatee and rarely shaves.  Wow, cool!  He’s “hardcore”!  HE’LL connect with younger audiences!  Duff is about as hardcore as MC Hammer was when he tried to release that Gangsta Rap album.  Look at that little imp!  I half expect him to pull out a pan-flute and start narrating “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”.  And really, doesn’t this show dilute all the other cake-making programs?  Why do we need so many?  How many freakin’ shows do we need about 6-foot-tall CAKES?!?!?!

Guy Fieri – aka Tomato-Head

 

I promise to spend less time on him than the sun does.  Holy crap, chief!  Try some SPF 50.  This too reeks of failed “hip” programming.  “Let’s take a guy in a bowling shirt, and give him a cooking program that’s just like everybody else’s, but we’ll let his stupid friends come over to drink beer.”  Again, “Edgy”.  Look, good for Guy, he won one of the seasons of Next Food Network Star that nobody watched, and he’s baking his body in the sun to go from greasy spoon to greasy spoon.  There’s GOT to be a better way to eek out a living.  Is “Basic Cable Fame” worth getting skin cancer?  Tune in to find out!

Thank you, iFood for giving me the forum to air my complaints about what USED to be a great channel.  I’m sure my belly-aching won’t help, but it’s been a pleasant surprise to see how many of you are tired of the same crap on TV, too!

Until next time!

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19 Comments

shantihhh's picture
So you can do it better? Remember no one ever went broke under-estimating the taste level of the American consumer. You know the folks that shop at Wallmart and watch and love FoodTV are middle America. Again I ask have you watched the HD feed of Food Network? It is going a different direction. Jury is still out on it. Once Bobby Flay got his ego in control and stopped offending another culture like jumping on his cutting board on Iron chef he began to become tolerable. That insult to Morimoto will live on and cause him shame forever, and rightfully so. Yes, he is an excellent chef. His rubs and sauce recipes are excellent in his Cooking American Cookbook, but he is still coming across a spoiled know it all, and he is now my "fav" on the Food Network-scary. I was surprised Guy Fieri won, but he does run a very successful restaurant he owns in Sonoma, you know wine country. Lots of folks have a healthy glow that live in California - but most stay away from the perioxide bottle. His food is OK at his restaurants an according chef friends in the area Healdsburg-Sonoma-he is not a great talent. Sandra Lee drives me crazy with her table-scapes. Everything is colour-keyed to ad-nauseum. I have met her-she tried to get our award winning eCommerce site to hire her as a consultant back about 8 years ago. Big $$$$$ and lots of attitude, and not much talent-sorry Sandra, but I haven't changed my opinion at all. Now she has more talented assistants that help a wee bit. My favourite chefs are such as Jean-Georges Vongericten, Charlie Trotter, Thomas Keller, Gary Rhodes, and............well you get my drift, but we are serious cooks and can and do hold our own against most. However, I am not going to pan success. I praise the Food Network for giving America a good shaking and hopefully inspiring some to get their fat rears off the couch and into the kitchen, but then probably not in most cases. Thye just sit and watch food entertainment called Food Network and suck down their fatty hamburgers and Oreos and chocolate shakes. So sad that a couple of generations of Americans have missed what real food is all about. You know the fresh from the garden or fresh fish, and actually prepared with love, not popped into the microwave and nuked plastic preservative filled stuff. Grandma used to do this almost lost art of cooking..remember? If you want to learn to cook real food you have a couple of choices PBS and right here at iFood.TV or hey how about learning from your parents, and teaching your kids?. But first you'll have to want to learn to cook. Cooking takes a little more effort than opening up a can or tearing open a box. But hey what a fun creative hobby!!!!!! Try it you'll like it. Look forward to you sharing a success story with us. Caio!
foodnetworksucks's picture
Why do *I* have to do better? When I eat out at a restaurant, and the food is crap, do I have to be a chef in order to criticize my meal? OK. YES. I CAN DO BETTER. I'll start by hiring a lobster in a bowling shirt, a garden gnome, and a guy who's able to offend all other cultures. Now I'm starting even. Once the chimp starts throwing poop, do I then prove my programming's better? This is the second time now you try to slam me, but then generally agree with me! I have NOT watched the HD feed yet, but your desciption of Paula's liver spots has made me end my desire to get an HDtv, EVER! LOL
Tim's picture
FYI - Bobby Flay was TOLD by the executives of the origional Iron Chef to be the ugly American and really play it up on the show for the Japanese audience.
Anonymous's picture
OMG!!! Sandra Lee!!! Those table scapes and matching clothes!!! For God Sakes sooooooooooooo cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssy!!!! LESS IS MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anonymous's picture
Hey Tim...and you you know what Bobby Flay was told how? Intuition? Clairvoyance? You're his Siameese twin? How about a clue, Edison.
Neo Noircat's picture
At least Guy can speak English. I'm referring to another Next Food Network Star winner, Big Daddy. I can't understand his Harry Reid dialect, and his recipes are moronic. Next week I expect Big Daddy to be making ice cubes.
I Once Loved FN's picture
I would watch food network for HOURS back when it was all Grillin' and Chillin' and Tyler's Ultimate was an hour. Then came the rise of Rachel Ray and it all went downhill from there. Bobby has been pimped out and the only good show left intact is Good Eats. They have gone for foodtainment and food reality and no longer try to teach anyone how to cook. Any real "foodies" have since moved on to PBS with Made in (Es)Spain, Cook's Country, Jaques Pepin, Lidia's Italy, Todd English, and Avec Eric. By the way: Eric Ripert is the anti-food network chef. Instead of selling out to franchise 32 locations and a line of crappy knives with orange handles, he stayed at Le Bernardin and has a little something to show for his efforts...like 3 Michelin stars!
Aaron's picture
if yu dont like it change the channel, you seem to spend alot of time on something you dont like.
Anonymous's picture
You're rude. Bobby Flay is better than you.
Anonymous's picture
I don't know, it's seems to me that the Food Network is doing just fine, I mean, they still have a lot of their original, and keep adding new ones to the menu. Myself, I like the network, and will keep watching it, and yes, Bobby Flay is my favorite. If it wont for the network, some up and coming hopefull chefs would not have been able to achieve their dreams as big as they have. As for the naysayers, they have these litle buttons on remote that make it able to turn the channel.
Anonymous's picture
PURE AND SIMPLE, BOBBY FLAY IS A PRICK!
Anonymous's picture
All I have to say is you guys are hatters!! Guy Fieri, Duff, and Bobby Flay you guys are awesome chefs and a great inspiration to many people in this world including me.
Anonymous's picture
If Guy Fieri inspires you, I pity you. I could feed him dirt and he would still act like it's the best thing he has ever tasted. His appearance alone causes me to lose my appetite.
J. King's picture
I saw a gumbo recipe on their website by Paula Deen. It called for 5 T of margarine. I'm no organic food nut, but there's something about artificial butter that I find off-setting, and I dared to say so in the recipe comments. Immediately I got an email saying my comment didn't meet its requirements. Go figure.
Anonymous's picture
HATERS- Don't watch it! Idiots Go fix yourself a grilled cheese if you can figure out how to melt the butter.
Anonymous's picture
Food network sucks! They used to have good shows and great hosts like Mario Batali and Emeril (although he used to act like an idiot) and now they got these people that act like idiots and dumb everything down to its lowest denominator. There's already enough dumb shows on television!
Anonymous's picture
Lets see, I think Bobby Flay should fade away. He is Howy Dowy with a grill. I am so sick of seeing Guy I just turn the channel. Now for the new "Network Stars". If I have to see Giadas dog biscuit smile one more time I will scream. She needs to learn NOT to eat OR smile with her mouth open
Jutia's picture
There is some truth in many of these comments from both sides. Thanks for the laughs :)
ljass's picture
To Bobby Flay. On your show Brunch at Bobbys', you use the word actually way too much. Love you though.