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This is the 2nd part in a (hopefully humorous) multi-part dissertation/dissection on how the Food Network is failing its’ viewers.  Many of the private and public comments I’ve received on my first blog seem to attempt to “remind” me of how influential the Food Network was.  But I completely agree with them!  Again, should a restaurant be judged on how their food USED TO BE, or how it was during YOUR LAST VISIT?

But, to kinda/sorta acquiesce to raging demands, I will attempt to focus on CURRENT Food Network stars, or at least the current “versions” of them.  Aaaaaaand, here we go!

Throwdown with Bobby Flay

 

Uh oh.  Yes indeed, I started with Food TV’s current #1 star.  And YES, Bobby Flay is an awesome chef.  I’ve had the pleasure of eating at a few of his restaurants, and I can say the food was worth every penny.  His rise to the top of the Food Network was no accident.  He worked hard, looked good, and brought a level of testosterone to the FN that even Rachael Ray couldn’t bring (zing!).  But have you seen this awful show?

Contestants are basically “Punk’d”.  They’re told Food Network is doing something special for them, cameras follow them around, and then all of a sudden Bobby Flay shows up and hurls a steaming turd in their cereal by telling them he and his staff of 20 have come up with a meal that may or may not be better than the unknowing contestant’s “signature dish”.  So, let’s get the record straight:  Bobby sandbags some budding entrepreneur and gives them the opportunity to make FOOLS of themselves by taking their rinky-dink recipes and putting them up against a master chef’s.  Really classy, dude.

But that’s not the worst part!  According to Wikipedia, his record is something like 6 wins to 20 losses.  So really, the whole thing is just a big sham and Bobby (in order not to piss people off) has to take a dive in order to save the show.  Factor in that even the “judges” are told who to vote for

(not my accusation, check out this former judge’s blog:)

http://negroshire.blogspot.com/2006/08/bobby-flay-vs-kitchen-diva-my-tv-debut.html

and what you have is a “Reality” show with absolutely ZERO “Reality” to it.  Thanks, Bobby!

Duff/Ace of Cakes

 

Ace of Cakes ushered in the era of the Food Network just losing their marbles.  Let’s take a guy who decorates cakes, dresses like a cake decorator, and even makes ridiculous cakes during his show.  The twist?  He has a goatee and rarely shaves.  Wow, cool!  He’s “hardcore”!  HE’LL connect with younger audiences!  Duff is about as hardcore as MC Hammer was when he tried to release that Gangsta Rap album.  Look at that little imp!  I half expect him to pull out a pan-flute and start narrating “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”.  And really, doesn’t this show dilute all the other cake-making programs?  Why do we need so many?  How many freakin’ shows do we need about 6-foot-tall CAKES?!?!?!

Guy Fieri – aka Tomato-Head

 

I promise to spend less time on him than the sun does.  Holy crap, chief!  Try some SPF 50.  This too reeks of failed “hip” programming.  “Let’s take a guy in a bowling shirt, and give him a cooking program that’s just like everybody else’s, but we’ll let his stupid friends come over to drink beer.”  Again, “Edgy”.  Look, good for Guy, he won one of the seasons of Next Food Network Star that nobody watched, and he’s baking his body in the sun to go from greasy spoon to greasy spoon.  There’s GOT to be a better way to eek out a living.  Is “Basic Cable Fame” worth getting skin cancer?  Tune in to find out!

Thank you, iFood for giving me the forum to air my complaints about what USED to be a great channel.  I’m sure my belly-aching won’t help, but it’s been a pleasant surprise to see how many of you are tired of the same crap on TV, too!

Until next time!

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MORE Food Network Sucks